


Stefan!Elena VS. Damon!Elena: The Two Sides of a Very Interesting Woman-Child

by badboy_fangirl



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 13:30:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2623478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badboy_fangirl/pseuds/badboy_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thoughts and feelings about Elena Gilbert's journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stefan!Elena VS. Damon!Elena: The Two Sides of a Very Interesting Woman-Child

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the majority of this a couple weeks ago when I got into a conversation with someone who, as a Damon fan, had been annoyed for years about the fact that Elena never addressed all of Stefan's flaws and issues, while seeming to always shine a spotlight on everything Damon has done; and that the show, by virtue of the fact that they erased Elena's *good* memories of Damon has somehow reinforced this idea, that Damon is BAD and Stefan is GOOD. I wrote this because it's something that's been in my head for years, and it was an opportunity to share it with someone who might see the show (and the journey of Damon and Elena) differently if these things were pointed out.

The first thing is that the writers haven't just arbitrarily done anything. The dichotomy of the show is not Good Brother VS. Bad Brother, or Stefan VS. Damon because every time you think you know which archetype one of the Salvatores represents, the show turns it on its ear. Stefan's a Compassionate Cannibal while Damon's a Demonic Do-Gooder. Stefan feels everyone's pain, but never forms bonds with people (prior to 2009) and Damon's likely to snap his best friend's neck and wonder why it bothers anyone.

But this isn't the heart of the show. The heart of the show, and the story, is, of course, Elena.

It's all crafted in a specific way, to provoke thought, and to leave room for interpretation, but along the way some things become non-negotiable.

(I'll get to that.)

Before I get into Elena's psychology, I will say I don't think the writers of TVD have executed everything perfectly. I've had issues with some things, but overall, I think the story they have told and are trying to tell is really beautiful. It has captured my imagination for four plus years now and caused me to write literally thousands upon thousands of words in fanfics and metas. And perhaps as a writer myself, I can appreciate the things that have worked better versus the things that have not.

Having said that, however, for me, the Elena dichotomy works. It took getting to the end of the fourth season for me to fully appreciate it, but then in S5, it came home even more beautifully and poignantly. 

The first thing is that each of the Salvatore brothers represents the two sides of Elena: her childhood self and her adulthood self. And when Elena was with Stefan, the parts of her like him, the parts that deny what she really feels, and what's really going on, were at the forefront. Like Stefan couldn't be honest about who he was (and even when he slowly started revealing things to her, they were always partial truths, and often followed up by something to distract her from the fact that he hadn't given her the full truth), Elena couldn't be honest about what she was. As viewers, we could see she was like Damon in many ways (i.e.: in 1x07, she wants Stefan to compel Jeremy's memories of Vickie away, but he can't, so Damon steps up--perfect illustration of the two sides of Elena), but that was uncomfortable for her, that was "wrong" so like Stefan she began to loudly identify against Damon. Now, that's not to say that some of Damon's actions weren't wrong (especially in S1), but that wasn't the point of Elena and Stefan shining neon lights upon those things. _**It was to deflect from themselves.**_

So, then with each step that Damon pushed Elena to tell the truth-- _There is something going on between the two of us, and you know it!_ she retreated more and more, until Stefan's world of lies crumbled. And then, no, of course Elena didn't start saying things…but she definitely started to let herself feel the things that were there. She wouldn't admit the truth to herself, consciously, but it was always there anyway. Calling Stefan on his crimes would just have been something that propelled her to admitting things about herself that she wasn't ready to admit.

And then she died.

And everything changed.

All the things she'd tried to ignore couldn't be ignored anymore, and at that point, it wasn't about Stefan, it was just about her. Her and Damon. And so Elena just moved past all the stuff with Stefan; it became unimportant. BECAUSE THERE IS NO STEFAN VS. DAMON, ESPECIALLY FOR ELENA. Instead what mattered was uncovering these truths about herself, step by step by step. And in 4x06, Damon *died* with her, only he really saved her, which is what he'd been doing all along--saving her from the lies. Forcing her to look at herself, examine all the things she thought and felt and wanted. 

And now, because Elena was breaking out of the lying to herself mode, and was telling the truth ( _I love you, Damon. I love you_ ) it also put her in the position of fully identifying with Damon. And Damon doesn't lie--at least not to himself. He tells the cold hard truth; he tells the ugliest version of the cold hard truth, every time. For Damon, there is no forgiveness. ( _I'll see you in hell, Katherine_ ), and he doesn't expect it.

Oh, but he wants it, and Elena has given it to him, over and over and over again. Whether he deserves it or not, whether he really wants her to, or not. And he even rejects her when he thinks she's giving it too freely. So Elena is truthful. Elena repeats what Damon says, Elena agrees with Damon, but Elena loves Damon anyway. Regardless of his impulse control issues, forever is all she can see when she looks at him.

She summarized it best herself when she asked him, "Should I go back to being that scared little girl who couldn't admit what she wants?"

And so the point is, child!Elena couldn't face what Stefan (she) really was; she couldn't deal with it, she could only handle it if she didn't name those things. But adult!Elena will name all of it--what Damon (she) really is, and she will embrace it. She will build her future on it.

Or die of a broken heart…you see? That's why the compulsion is her small retreat back to child!Elena, back to a girl who couldn't see Damon (herself) for what they really are. And what's new this season? NOBODY IS FUCKING LETTING HER. Caroline calls her out. STEFAN CALLS HER OUT. It's glorious. It's an arc that just makes me so in love with this show, and yes, its writers.

And as soon as Damon is back, these things begin to surface. She retreats for a bit, but then she faces it. And feels nothing (or at least what she feels is not enough, at first). But then Damon pushes, because that's what Damon does. And she can't help but respond; because that part inside of her that always longed to come out is still there, even if she doesn't remember it.

This dichotomy is not to say that all Elena is about is her romantic suitors; her journey has always been one of self-discovery, but as with most of us, it's due to our encounters with others that we learn things about ourselves. 

(Probably needless to say: I love it, so much.)

Having said ALL THAT....I do have to mention, that in reality, this is all I care about:

[ ](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/americanoutlaw/media/TVD/DE%20them%20i%20hate%20them_zps3zafzkjq.gif.html)


End file.
